I’ve wrote before about stepping away from doula work and since then I think I’m happy with my choice. I’ve starting putting myself first which felt very foreign. And now I’m actually getting more sleep! My LO started sleeping well about six months ago and my whole experience in my body has realigned to someone rested. I cannot tell you how sweet it’s made my life.
Even though the doula work I did was hard, and hard for so many reasons, I really think it’s made me a better person. First off my doula education was done by BADT. Black & Queer owned organization. I am a white person and selfishly I feel like my ability to become more aware of my privilege has made me a much better person. As a result, I am a lot more understanding than my 20-year-old self. A lot more empathetic. More calm. I take what people say at its face value and believe people when they speak about their hardships in their own life. I think previous to becoming a parent I didn’t have the capacity to meet people where they were. Maybe it was due to my own lack of experience. And that resonates. I’ve been through some shitty times and I’m much softer than what I was. And especially as my parents age, my grandparents pass away… I’m facing my own mortality slowly but surely.
Take for example my recent conversation with my aunt. Her and her husband have had success in their careers and have moved out of their house in Wayzata MN into a neighboring suburb. The main reason for this move is that they’re getting older. And as much as I hate that, I’ve also had conversations with my father about it too. He ans his wife built a house from scratch with the goal of ageing in place. Meaning there are no stairs and the doorways are built wide enough for wheelchairs.
It’s a beautiful home and while I do think it’s kinda morbid to consider these things in their late 60s, my aunt and uncle had to do the same. Their new house is lovely, and they bought it with the thought to age in place. The only thing that needs to be addressed is their kitchen. There are too many tight corners and some stairs that need to be removed. They are looking into Chaska kitchen remodeling companies to help them with this transition. Then their house will be ready to go for the foreseeable future.
It’s weird to become the person discussing remodeling. Hell, at my grandpa’s funeral I was sitting at the grownup table instead of with my cousins. I’m not sure I like this change, but it’s staring me right in the face. And that’s one thing I’ve always appreciated about my aunt, she’s realistic. Moving homes, stepping out of the home she raised her children in, into a new one without the memories is hard. And she took it in stride. I need to become more like her.