No more doula work for me.

So, I have some bad news. I started this blog as a doula, trying to figure out how to support people in their post partum experiences. Unfortunately, I have stopped.

I just couldn’t do it anymore. My home life has its ups and downs and the decision to work mainly as a care-giver just wasn’t feasible to maintain over time. And I feel kinda sad about it, but also no. On one had, my postpartum doula mentioned that most doulas burn out in three years or less. So I definitely fall into that category. My main inspiration for becoming a doula was my own postpartum experience and I didn’t want anyone else to have similar experiences. But these feelings apparently don’t make for good financial decisions.

The reason why I don’t feel too bad about it was that I kinda got stung by a client. It was a bit messy, she was a friend and then a client. But what ended up happening (at least from my perspective) is that she and her husband used me while I was offering an introductory rate and then dragged their feet on paying me a more competitive rate. Additionally, I think what they really wanted was a mother’s helper and not a doula. So by the end of it I was essentially cleaning her house and doing laundry exclusively. Not very doula-y.

But the one thing that down right pisses me off is the fact that they were loaded. Like, 10 million dollar house loaded. And I remember when I was telling her that my introductory rate was expiring that she said they couldn’t afford a higher rate. My introductory rate was 15$/hour! I needed to get paid more and I think I ended up at maybe 22? And it was a whole process, in which she needed to
“ask her husband” about paying me higher. Bitch, this isn’t a request.

Admittedly, I ended the relationship badly. But I was so over cleaning her mansion while getting paid well under market rate. It just pissed me off that at the end of the day I would come back to my apartment (that wasn’t clean!) and leaving her in a better off position.

That was the hard part. I needed more support at home to be a working mother with a small child. Especially when my kiddo first started going to daycare! It was brutal, and I gained a bunch of weight. Looing back it’s because I still wasn’t sleeping at night, then I would have to travel around and support others all day. By the time I would get home I was wasted.

So, yeah. No more doula work for me. It’s such an important role but not one I could sustain long term.